Why Ben Te’o can go and fuck himself.

The British Lions named their squad this week and there were some notable inclusions, in particular one former New Zealander and now lifetime fuckwit, Ben Te’o – the subject of this column. As you know, Ben Te’o is a multi-code mercenary who started out in New Zealand with the Hibiscus Coast Raiders.

As a rugby league player he spent time with the NZ Warriors, the West Tigers, the Brisbane Broncos, and the South Sydney Rabbitohs. Since converting to rugby union in 2014, he has played for both Leinster and the Worcester Warriors. In the professional era, representing six clubs over a career that has spanned 13 years and two codes to date would not be considered not unreasonable by most.

The problem with Ben is his ever changing nationality. Since 2005, he has represented New Zealand, Samoa, Queensland (and therefore Australia), and England. On top of that, during his stint at Leinster, Ben admitted he came close to committing himself to play for Ireland, stating that “when you see an opportunity and it feels right just take it and go with it”. It’s not a fucking breakfast buffet Ben! Representing an international team is supposed to be the pinnacle of sport and players dream of the moment they pull on the jersey of their nation.

Just because this fuck wit is able to slip between some dubious eligibility laws does not mean he should go ahead and do it, it just requires a little strength of character. Of course, this is not the first time Ben’s character has been questioned (see: Brisbane woman assaulted by league star). Amusingly, this is the same bloke who once had the audacity to suggest that the NZ Warriors were disloyal when they cut him has an injury prone teenager, what a cunt.

Ben Te’o, go fuck yourself.

While we are here, there are a few others I am officially putting on watch:

The Australian Rugby Union: you have five Super Rugby teams and enough players for 2 1/2 of them to be competitive. Stop bitching and sort your shit.

Craig McMillan: A batting coach? you averaged 28 as a test batsman, actually batted square on to the bowler in more than one international match, and cut off the bottom of your bat to try and middle more of the shit you kept toe-ending. What the fuck?

Danny Morrison: you sold your soul to the IPL and are on ongoing embarrassment to New Zealand. Do us all a favour and fuck off.